Fear and loathing at the 24hrs. of Le Mans.

Having just obtained my French driver’s license, my first trip as a legal conducteur was to the 24hrs. of Le Mans. (I’d promised to take my car enthusiast Driver’s Ed teacher there should he pass me.) What I didn’t know was the Le Mans speedway is the Kentucky Derby of Europe for debauched gear heads, and what eventually ensued you won’t find in the Driver’s Ed handbook.

I might hate this job vs. I may hate this job

If you’re unemployed in France, you can get paid to be a student. If you’re unemployed in France, you can also be paid to be their teacher. The year I was hired by the unemployment of agency of France to teach English to depressed adults.

Grease Lightning on the Champs Elysées

Having never waited tables, I was both flattered and excited when I was hired to work at a Parisian restaurant on the famed Champs Elysées. What I didn’t know was that I’d be a “singing” waiter, one capable of fetching your order while performing a number, or not, from Grease.

My year on French TV

I always thought working on an SNL type TV show would be awesome, even if it was in France. But when every other character you play is a shrieking American who loves George W. Bush (except when you’re asked to play Spiderman and hung upside down by a cable 20 meters off the floor for the entire episode), when every sketch you write is rejected and laughed at by fellow writers, and when the Co-Star hates your guts and thinks you’re stealing her lines, that SNL type gig you thought would be great, is actually a nightmare. Oh and John? – the show is Live.

100 hours of Solitude

How retreating to the Normandy countryside for a week to practice my stand-up routine actually became my stand-up routine.

Pierre Carrée, the crooner/head cracker of Pigalle

When I featured my neighborhood crooner, Pierre Carrée, in GQ, I thought I was doing him a favor. However making him a local star also gave him the impression I owed him and his friends a lot of money. How my now famous neighborhood watering hole became a place I needed to avoid at all costs.